East, west Taz thinks home is best (and thats the campervan)

Wednesday 6th October - Eversley Cross

He might be in his 90s in human years but the french vet told us that "Mr Taz" has a strong heart and, incidentally, clean ears - shame they dont work anymore.

So, nearly 5 months on here we are back in the UK. Unfortunately because we've been in the van longer than we've lived in this house so its been a struggle persuading Taz to join us in the house but he's currently in bed catching up with his zzzzzs and with luck he'll stop asking to go back in the van.

We've loved our trip had some great bike rides and challenging walks, lost weight (Scandinavia), put on weight (France), accumulated some interesting plastic goods and somehow managed to keep our marriage in tact. Will we do it again - definitely. Will Mr Taz be with us? Who knows?

But now its time to catch up with family and friends and then we can start to plan the next trip.

Taz gets an early morning wake up call - ding dong

Sunday 3rd October (how did it get to be October) - Les Andeleys

Can you pen and ink it?! Why would someone herd his goats and sheep through a campsite before 8am on a Sunday morning - why, its the same numpty that ties huge and extremely loud bells round their necks.

Crunch time tomorrow. We're going to take Taz to a vet to get his tick and worm treatments so he can travel back with us Weds. Will the vet pass him as healthy?

So my turn for what I've learnt from my 5 months in the campervan...

It is a truth universally acknowledged that....

White ducks need their french bread crumbled into tiny pieces

You can never have enough plugs – I have a selection of 3 sizes and strut proudly into most washing up rooms, however 10% of the time I don’t have one to fit the plughole.

To make your fortune you only need to set up a lawnmower sales business in Sweden (they are obsessed with cutting their grass)

It rains A LOT in Norway

Fairy liquid and Body Shop shower gel last forever (all enquiries about product endorsements through D White please)

French bread gives dogs wind – very noxious wind

Memory foam matress, hot flushes and summer temperatures = the work of the devil

Six weeks in France very bad for the waistline - I've piled on the pounds on again

NCIS was much better in series 1

The French call hole in the floor toilets "Turkish toilets" - well no one would own up to them voluntarily would they?

Hairdressers the world over have a problem with how long 2cms are

BMW, Volvo, Citreon.. the car reflects the country

OK so we've got through a lot of diesel but living in a campervan is very green when you have limited amounts of water, gas and leccy. It will be bliss to be able to boil the kettle at the same time as drying my hair or heating the water.

..... I'm sure I've learnt a lot more but one of the top ones is - don't go on too long!

Taz takes on the playground bully

Thursday 30^th September – St Alban sur Limagnole

On our way back home after being thoroughly spoilt by the Baileys. We were in a mild panic when we checked Sat Nav and discovered we had 1200km to do in 8 days and David doesn’t like to drive for more than an hour a day. But he’s pushed himself and done a couple of hours Tues and Weds so he had today off.

Tuesday we passed the journey playing a game the Baileys taught us on the road into Spain: spot the prostitute. What we couldn’t work out was whether we hadn’t noticed them on the Narbonne road when we drove down or if they’d just moved in for pay day. We gave ourselves double points for spotting one getting out of a car and pulling up her knickers!

Wednesday we splashed out on the toll road across the Millau Viaduct designed by Norman Foster and had a break to try out the photography techniques picked up from David Bailey (yes, really, that’s his name and he is a published photographer), and from the Channel 5 photography show. To be honest I think the best photo was the one of us in front of the viaduct taken by a passing French geezer.

Last night Taz decided on a midnight feast which was followed by an urgent call of nature (well him barking). When David got up to let him out Taz decided to have a go at the scary creature in the playground we are parked next to. I feel so safe to have him with us :-((

Taz walks on water

Monday 27th September - Intichancha, Oms

Arrived at the Baileys with 2 bags of washing and healthy livers. Will leave tomorrow with clean washing and very dirty livers. :-))

We've eaten, drunk, crossed borders without passports, swum, watched Taz walk back and forwards across the pool cover, rescued bats, dried out moths (need to dry out ourselves next week), in Lindsey's case bought a tube of crack cure, picked fresh figs, enjoyed a proper bed and bathroom, finished a jigsaw, read lots of magazines, kept up with x-factor, listened to a choral exhibitionist (David B) and generally lived well!! David tells me thats living a normal life - well bring it on.

Taz tries out some poses for upsidedowndog.com

Tuesday 21st September - Quillan

Tricky fellow, Johnny Foreigner. We decided on a green "facile" cycle route of 21kms today. Admittedly it said something about the hills at the start taking us by surprise if we attacked them "a froid" but it didnt mention that those hills would almost finish us off before we had completed 3kms. AND THEN, when we got back I looked at the routes for mountain bikes and the same part of the route was coloured red ie bloody hard!!!!!

It wouldnt have been quite so bad except that on the way back to the campsite I spotted a hairdressers and being in desperate need of a cut and something to hide the grey, I went in and they said they could "do" me straight away. Well, after they encased me in a nice nylon robe, I went through 2 packets of tissues trying to surreptiously wipe the sweat off my face before they started. And I was a little worried about finding a colour for my hair that would go with my puce face.

The excitement is rising. In a few days we will be staying with our friends, the Baileys, in a real house! (And according to Simon its a stunning house with amazing views of the Pyrenees - but it only needs level floors and to have more than one room to be special for us) Having eaten and drunk extremely well at their UK home we have decided we need to prepare our wastlines and livers. There has been much discussion about whether we should cut out alcohol or step it up to avoid any shocks. But the bottom line has expanded since hitting France (and especially the Nougat Region) so its strictly 1 gin and tonic a night, no wine, no crisps and no stopping at the Patisserie. But David found a loophole. If the supermarket we shop at stocks Cadbury's chocolate we can carry on with our 1 square of chocolate a night (a 4" square is absolutely the limit). I will decline to declare whether this loophole came before or after the last shopping trip.

Taz gets tired of old ruins

Friday 17^th September – Carcassonne

Phew, made it to the safe haven of a campsite after a night with no electricity or water, its amazing how quickly you can move on in the mornings when there’s no way of having a wash or shower.

On our way to Carcassonne we stopped first at Pezenas, an old town with a medieval centre well worth a visit, then carried on to Lagrass, a village that styles itself one of the most beautiful villages in France (with the most self-satisfied and self-deluded villagers). It is very old and everything was very shut and the van seemed to catch the general malaise and the electrical bits ran themselves down to the point that we couldn’t even run the taps. But we’ve splashed out on a campsite right on the edge of Carcassonne and we’re going to stay here and until we’re bored of having lights, telly (yes that’s back on), running water and hot showers. They might have lived in lovely villages but those medievallers sure missed out on the good things in live: NCIS, plastic goods, internet........

PS anyone - why dont the French stock cheddar cheese when they sell plastic cheeses like Edam?

Taz and Julie add river swimming to sea, and lake swimming

Monday 13^th September – Val de L’Herault

Very relaxing 3 days next to the river Herault. Caught up on dozing, swimming and sunbathing (arf arf). Unfortunately we’ve lost TV so needed some compensation for missing Strictly’s launch.

Went for a walk today and ended up on the wrong side of the river so we bravely decided to ford it. Glad no one was watching but wish we had a video of our epic taming of the river Herault. It was deep enough that we both had to tuck our shorts into our knickers and the current was fast enough for us to be worried about being knocked over. But David had a plan: “Lets hold hands”. So we took it in turns to anchor each other as we tottered across the stony and slimy riverbed. Good job David was holding my hand as I was in danger of being swept away by hysterical laughter. I will treasure the lets hold hands plan as a means of keeping my spirits up when I’m forced to read the SCD newsletter rather than watch the show. And before anyone suggests it – we cant get BBC iPlayer over here.

As we’re nearing the end of our trip I attempted a Davina style “so how has your time in the campervan changed you” interview of David. This is what he came up with”

· There’s life in the old dog yet (not sure which of the 3 of us he was referring to)

· I want to do more trips

· The French aren’t so bad (this is because a mechanic fixed the first Sat TV problem for free)

· Empty the toilet cassette slowly to avoid splashback

I’m compiling my own list which will have this nugget of good advice near the top:

Don’t reverse down a steep drive onto a narrow tarmac road in a long campervan unless you are prepared to have the Police called out (I asked for the Fire Brigade but the Dutch campsite owner over ruled me)

Taz is inspired by the French to apply for his driver's license

Friday 10th September - Le Vigan

Sitting in the evening gloom with a lovely view of the toilet block as we wait for our van to dry out. Its Friday but not the 13th so dont know why it all went wrong. We were at a lovely campsite with fantastic views - we climbed to the top of the peak in the photo yesterday. But when we arrived at the campsite we had to have a run up because the approach road to the site was so steep. Unfortunately when we slid back down today (backwards cos we couldnt turn round in the mud) the back of the van ground into the asphalt and we got stuck half way across the road. So we emptied all the fresh water we had just taken on and took everything out of the boot to see if that would lift the back out of the road (literally). As we emptied the boot water started to pour in!! We had switched on the taps and the sink was overflowing inside the van. But some kind cyclists stopped and helped to push the van back up the road so we could have another go and we managed to escape (having gouged a hole out of the road)

We stopped off to get the tyres changed - bit of a smell of burning rubber hanging around - and headed off south again.

We found a site with wifi and opened all the doors and windows to try and dry out. Unfortunately the only sunny spot is right opposite the toilet block. Rather a different view from last nights. Handy tho. But then I managed to blow the electrics - why did i have to use the vacuum cleaner, I'm on holiday for goodness sake. David tried everything he could think of including pouring the g and ts so we could sit outside and leave the electricity fairies to it. We did our bit and drank the g and ts but the leccy still isnt working. Never mind, we have the boxed set of NCIS season 2 to watch and there's a hypermarket round the corner.

Hard to believe maybe but it never crossed my mind when David and I got married that 25 years later I would hear him exclaim in high excitement “that’s an interesting plastic bowl!” (Well it was pretty interesting actually, it was a washing up bowl with a plughole) Life is such a roller coaster isn’t it?

Taz tries to crash a game of beach badminton

Friday 3rd September Charavines, Lac de Paladru

Good news – free wifi

Bad news – it only works now and again and only at reception – which is a trek up a hill. Lost track of how much gin and tonic and tea I’ve slopped out of my glass/mug on my way up to sit at reception and check if its working!

But everything else is fabiosa. Back in low season so the site is nearly empty and we have a pitch at end of the row above the beach of Lac de Paladru. There are great walks and bike rides and Taz can potter around without annoying anyone. Well, almost. I thought he was with David this afternoon and was having a gentle post walk doze when I heard a Taz yap. When I glanced down at the beach I spotted him in the middle of the volleyball court waiting for the guy who was playing badminton with his wife to serve the shuttlecock to him. I think the yap was "on the 'ead son" - he was a great footballer in his prime and his eyesight isnt what it was,

We had a lovely long weekend with Caroline near Annecy before coming here. Didn’t realize what an interesting town Annecy is, great for a weekend visit. There was loads to do around Lake Annecy and Caroline and David are still getting over their water skiing aches and pains. It was so nice having her with us - even tho the chocolate supplies were ravaged.

And talking of skiing we had 2 great nights at a ski base in France on the way to Annecy. (smooth link eh?). We stayed in the grounds of a gite/restaurant up in the mountains with only the regional biathlon team for company. Unfortunately it was a bit sultry, sorry I mean steamy, er,, hot, so they had to do their training runs and exercises only wearing their little lycra shorts. As David will no doubt remind me, there were a couple of girls as well who kept their tops on.

Oh well onwards and upwards, lakes to swim in, mountains to climb, sun to lie in and before I get lynched - poo to pick up

Taz enjoys a taste of home

Monday 23rd August - Belfort

We surpassed ourselves tonight. Doped Taz with a heady mixture of gravy and chop bones (not really neccessary as he turns in for the night at 8pm) and set off on an evening bike ride without map, water, phone, and very little night vision between us, but hey apart from a minor detour when we mistook a large tree for the tower we were using as a guide, we got home in one piece. Home in time for a couple of lines of chocolate, cup of tea (Tetleys -not ideal, waiting for Caroline to come out with fresh stock of Yorkshire tea) and an episode of NCIS. We were driven to buying a dvd of it because our Sat dish has packed up.

Tomorrow we might end up in Zurich to get the dish fixed so in case the Swiss follow the German line and censor the blog I thought I'd post this photo which wasn't allowed before. Jolly little fellow isnt he? Bet all the kids want to play with him. Actually its where you empty and rinse out the chemical toilet!

Taz meets a man who loves to go a-wandering

Thursday 19th August - Belfort - via Erfstadt

Of all the towns in German we ended up in Erfstadt. Where? Well Erfstadt is twinned with Wokingham and I guess its name must have been lodged somewhere in my brain when I was choosing our next stop out of the very informative, but to me as a non-German speaker, very bewildering, “7400 Reisemobil Stellplatze” book. Can’t say we noticed many similarities between Wokingham and Erfstadt apart from an over abundance of cafes and restaurants. And you certainly wouldn’t have wares like that in photo above in a bakers in Wokingham – oh no,no,no.

Its been a bit of a culture shock coming straight back from Sweden – the land of Volvo drivers to the land of BMW; head in the sand land to rules on how to use toilet paper land. But we just began to get the hang of Germany, especially after a good recommendation for a supermarket from Denise – it did a great line in plastic goods, and we hit the border. We had a lovely stop in another entry from the book, a field at the start of walking trails opposite a Stube and only 5 euros a night. There was one other campervan and he left soon after we arrived – co-incidence? – of course. First he told us how he and his wife loved to go “vondering”. But not, judging by his tummy, along many difficult mountain trails. He also suggested some good places to visit in Germany, so we will try and remember those and give Germany a proper go another year.

Thursday

Wey hey – sunshine and internet!! Yesterday I spotted an entry in our Aires book that said “Wine town – you could drink yourself silly here – wine tasting”. Well it would have been rude not to go there wouldn’t it? Unfortunately that’s what 6 other campervans thought too and with only 5 places in the aire there was no way we could squeeze in. But God moves in mysterious ways and he obviously thought that we had been hitting the bottle too much already and we needed a taste of religion. When we arrived at the next aire we found it was in the car park for an Abbey. Actually it was lovely, only one other van and the Abbey was very arty with a lovely medieval garden. And we still managed to taste some wine – from a wine box we bought in Sweden rather than from a vineyard in Alsace.

Taz turns the whole camp against us

Sunday 15th August - Munster, Germany

There are a lot of rules in Germany and we seem to be breaking most of them! I just tried to check the blog but it's "nicht erlaubter inhalt/content not allowed". Didnt realise I lead such a racy life!

Friday 13th - it really is a day to avoid. We needed shopping, a haircut for me (was still struggling to find a hairdressers that was open) and wanted to have a quick look at Lubeck. So we found a campsite and had lunch, sorted Taz and set off. All good but then when we got back Taz was barking, something must have disturbed him and boy did he make sure we knew it. There was a note on our table accusing us of cruelty, a guy came round a read the riot act saying Taz should be with us at all times, we weren't fit to have a dog and we had upset the enitre camp and just as we stopped reeling long enough to sit down to a restorative cup of tea, the receptionist came round to say there had been a complaint about us letting Taz foul the campsite (as she was speaking he gave a demonstration). Wow! It was horrible, we did feel bad that he had been upset but he usually sleeps most of the day. We were really shaken by it all but Taz sailed serenely through, oblivious to all the bad vibes coming our way.

As for my haircut - German centimetres are like Swedish miles. They're not really centimetres more like inches. So when I bargained the hairdresser down to 2 centimetres off my hair rather than the 4 she suggested I saved myself from a buzzcut. Still, she thought it was a lot better when she finished.

Given up trying to load a photo - it was obviously deemed not appropriate. Must shake this nasty habit of taking pictures of little puppies and Christmas shops.

Taz develops late onset travel sickness.

Tuesday 10th August - Tingsryd

Well that washing has almost dried since the last post!

Had a trying day when we left Trosa. Started off badly as we set off in the rain and just as I left the campsite I noticed a tick on Taz's lip. Those of a delicate disposition might care to look away now and re-join at *

Following David's instructions, I yanked it off and threw it out the window but it seemed to trigger the vomit reaction in Taz. So David screeched to a stop (not too many things in the van were damaged) and we grabbed the only thing to hand which was an A4 campsite map and between us held it under Taz's mouth as he swayed backwards and forwards. Half way through David spotted a car behind us and as it was a very narrow road we had to set off again. Unfortunately by now David was driving with green bile all over his hands and his sunglasses were misted up (yes I know it was raining but he still worries about being recognised). But we found somewhere to stop and clean up and were off on our merry way.

*That night we found a quiet spot in a clearing in a forrest off a minor road and parked up. It seemed ideal, very quiet and Taz could run wild and feel the wind in his ears - not that he runs anywhere anymore, but he could have done if he'd wanted to. Unfortunately we didnt realise that the ants on the ground were flying ants preparing for evening raids. We had a very long steamy night - because we had to keep the windows shut and we had wet washing hanging everywhere! Oh and those stupid citrus candles are no good, they attract the Swedish mossies.

Still, we're here in a nice safe, dry campsite today after a trip round the "Kingdom of Crystal" area of Sweden - no false modesty there then. Tried to book in to hairdressers today but the 6 the tourist office told us about were either on hols, at lunch or there was one we didnt try (offered Thai massage, tarot readings etc as well as hair cuts). Went for a bike ride instead and broke our record by getting lost as soon as we left the camp gates. Didnt help that David kept the map upside down.

So on to lovely Malmo and hopefully I can get my hair cut there before we head back to Denmark. We've decided to save the rest of S Sweden for another trip (and for when we have some sort of GPS thing)

Taz likes to book a cabin on long fjord crossings

Friday 6th August - Trosa, Sweden

Happy Birthday Isabella Grace Smith (5th August)

Hei hei - back in Sweden. Norway is stunning but we were beginning to suffer from soul rot with all the rain so we've come back to Sweden where the scenery isn't so magnificent but we can afford to buy chocolate.

We've had a couple of days in Stockholm. Last time I was there it was December, freezing but beautiful. In the Cathedral there was a children's choir practising for the Festival of Light next to a fantastic candle-lit statue of St George and the Dragon - magical. Not so magical in the summer but still a lovely city to wander round.

Came out to a beach site yesterday and had my first swim in the Baltic, but true to our luck its raining again today. Never mind, the washing machine is cheap here so making use of being stuck in camp. reckon I could operate any machine in the world now (maybe not a skill to boast about but very useful!) The machine here has instructions in English which saved me from using programme 1 "carpetwash" and sign posted me to programme 4 "woll". Just have to find enough places to drape them in the van now. We've got used to watching TV through the Octopus of Wet Underwear.

Taz keeps an ear out for tall trekking tales

Saturday 31st July - Evje (pronounced "Evian"!!)

OOO its good to have wifi back.

Done a few kilometres on foot, bike and in the van since the last post and some of them were very painful! Near Stavanger in Southwest Norway there is a rock called Preikestolen (Pulpits Rock) that sticks out over a fjord and it is 600 metres above sea level. Its less than 5km each way but because of the climb it takes about 4 hours for a round trip. And unfortunately it was the one thing in Norway David wanted to do.

It didn’t start well. We’d checked into a camp near the start of the climb but it cost a bomb and was very crowded. We didn’t sleep well because it rained heavily in the night and we worried that the van would be bogged down and even if it wasn’t we would miss the view after the climb because of cloud. Crack of dawn (well 7.30) I trotted to the showers to try and beat the queue – didn’t work. Did feel rather self conscious in my white towelling robe (IKEA) with my little pink ….o dear can’t remember the name, but the scrubby thing I wash with, everyone else was in their hiking, cycling, being generally active gear. In the meantime David picked up the loaf of bread we'd ordered, £4. But from there on it picked up. We managed to negotiate our way out of camp without any knocks and made our way to the walk.

Walk? Well there might have been little kids, someone going up in flip-flops and a man carrying his dog, but that was no mere walk! It was an introduction to mountaineering. But well worth it even tho neither of us could manage to look over the edge and David had to lie down, hold his camera over the edge and blindly snap away! Lots to look at on the rock anyway. Like: Spot the Italians - the ones putting on suncream, Spot the "I like to travel light" couple in their 70s who had climbed up in all in one ski-ing/climbing/ fixing the radiator suits and stripped to their waists when it got too hot (black lacy bra on the woman), Spot the British couple with their thermos of tea and packed lunch (well you have to keep up the tea levels, don't you?).

Free entertainment last night. Just started cooking tea when one of our Norwegian neighbours began his Friday night keyboard session blasted through his speakers to entertain the whole camp whether we wanted it or not. So we all rocked through various Norwegian tunes and the odd (very) Tom Jones number. Bizarre in a fun way.

Taz takes fame in his stride

Sunday 25th July - Torpo

Taz is gathering a loyal following in Norway. As we stopped to admire one of the bridges along the Atlantic Road above Alesund a German approached David to ask if Taz was still alive! Seems like he is a topic of conversation amongst the campervan community.

Had an early stop tonight to recharge all batteries including our own. On our way to the Atlantic Road David had to ask a garage if we could recharge the camera while we filled with petrol. We had discussed alternatives eg stopping for a coffee and asking a socket on the side but luckily the garage agreed.

This is a good campsite tho - not only have we got free internet (bit hit and miss but what there is is free!) but we can get telly too. Worked our way through our dvds over the last week. It was David's choice last night and I thought we were in for a comedy when he told me he'd chosen Jugheads. Bit of a shock when I saw it was Jarhead.

Starting to get to grips with Norwegian now. I know that "duj" is a shower and that "privat veg" is private road rather then someone being precious about their lettuces. But with some words I'd rather stick with my own translation - I was very disappointed to learn that "loppis" is Swedish for jumble. I preferred to believe people were selling rabbits. There's a Norwegian sign I see now and again for "hagsenter" and I like to think its a place us ladies can check into when we've been too long on the road and need some tlc! But I really must check out a road sign we saw today - a warning triangle with an exclamation mark and the word "bom". A trifle worrying.

Back on the way down to Stavanger tomorrow and it looks like it might be back to rain after a couple of days of blue skies - which reminds me, yesterday it was so sunny we made the mistake of going for a walk in a nature reserve. Unfortunately we took Taz too and David ended up having to carry him after we got lost!!

Taz misses the internet

Thursday 22nd July Alesund

super quick blog since we dont know whose network we've jumped on and they need to boost their signal!!

RIB ride v good - took precautions apart from livesaver suit ie Quells and sports bra. Fantastic way to see fjords. Only problem was when we bashed past a ferry waving at all the passengers then lurched to a halt as the propeller broke. Didnt look quite so cool floating slowly along waiting to be rescued!

Quick thank you to Sharon as pc battery is dying, thank yu for offer of posting books and mags. Unfortunately dont know where we going from day to day or when! Thanks for the news too. Wish I'd been at the LDPB to see (without coming back from hol of course)x

Taz cruises into Greinger

Wednesday July 21st - Geiranger

David safely navigated us over what we're assured is a spectacular mountain route 1km above sea level with a 1 in 10 gradient down into the tourist town of Geiranger, basically a row of shops selling what Sir Alan would call "tutt" to cruise ship passengers. Unfortunately we couldn't see the view through the clouds and rain. But we did spot the original Ironman. Some nutter was cycling up the mountain in the rain!!!! Utter nutter. Actually there are quite a few psycho cyclists in the mountains. Tomorrow David has booked us onto something called a RIB to do a boat tour of the Gereingerfjord. Sounded lovely until he told me we have to arrive 15 mins before the start to get into our survival suits.

If there are no more posts for a while its hopefully because we cant find a wifi hotspot..........

Taz always uses a porter when undertaking train journies

Tuesday 21st July - Stryn in Nordfjord

Norway – breathtakingly beautiful but wearingly wet – guess those waterfalls have to get filled up somehow.

At another camp with stunning views but they’re filtered through rain as usual, but hey! we’ll take the Scandinavian approach and go for a walk whatever the weather.

The difference between Swedish ad Norwegian campsites seems to be that in Norway there are lots of teeny tiny tents and everyone wears hiking gear all the time. And there are never many showers – this campsite is lovely but only 2 showers each for men and women. Having said that they are always empty. Since we don’t make it to the shower block much before 10 that could be why, or maybe it’s because it costs £1 a shower. Why worry about being stuck indoors in the rain, there’s always something to think about. Especially helpful now we have finished the puzzle section in Closer magazine. We struggled with Spot the Difference between the photos of the Osbornes but I flew through the 90210 Word Search once I found the list that told you the cast names to look for.

Stocked up on food before leaving Sweden and had a very nice tin of Felix one night whilst watching some Danish people struggling to put up their tent in the rain and wind. Pretty sure it wasn’t cat food but not sure whether it was veggie or what.

That was on the “Adventure Road” which leads eventually (after “adventures”) to Bergen. David particularly enjoyed staying there as our Turkish neighbour told him his wife thought he looked like a movie star. Bit dangerous this as David wears his sunglasses all the time and now refuses to take them off even when going through tunnels – and we have driven through one that was 25km long and very badly lit!

In Bergen we took the tram up above the city and had a nice walk in the rain – we even gave directions to another couple a few mins before getting lost ourselves. (Tee hee) Did put us a bit on edge in case they followed us through the off-piste marsh lands that we are now old hands at. When we found a hut to shelter in we stopped for lunch and enjoyed watching some sheep harassing a dog. His owner resorted to hiding with the dog behind a tree but the sheep just waited for them to come out.

David is brushing up on his language skills. On the bus back from Bergen he asked the driver if he would let us know when we were at our campsite stop. He came back looking content with the answer but on sitting down told me the driver had said “ej coco” and he wasn’t sure if that meant yes or eff off. Was it the answer he wanted? Ej coco.

Then we headed north up roads that made sat nav look like the zig zag section on my sewing machine pattern selector. Stunning views round every bend. We stopped at a pretty town called Flam to take a train trip up the mountain – more stunning views. The train stopped at a waterfall where two girls danced mysteriously in front of the water as in a folk legend. Hope they were paid a fortune to twirl around in front of all that cold water. And the Turkish woman must have had second sight. This Autumn somewhere in Japan a family will be watching a film that includes footage of David scooping pooh off a railway platform on top of a mountain. The Japanese guy seemed to find it hilarious.

Taz wonders how Norwegian dogs go to the toilet up there?!*

Wednesday 14th July Hardangar Fjord

Finally found a site with wifi – not only that but we can get NCIS on our sat dish. "O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!" Stunning scenery, just one concern: the group of tents in the corner look like they belong to a junior school trip. Wouldn’t want to be their teacher trying to get them to sleep at night when it stays light til all hours!

Won’t try and fill in all we’ve done since last post. Just a few updates……

Compare and contrast

The look on the English woman’s face in the Bobil park (campervan park – I love being a bobiler) at Oslo marina when I offered her Trainspotting in return for her Catherine Cookson book. But I did point out they are both gritty northern dramas.

When I took over the OK magazine that Caroline had brought out she looked mighty relieved and said “Oh I will read that!”

Tick off the list

Varingfoss waterfall coming down from the Hardanger Glacier – with beautiful rainbow colours playing across the rocks because it was so sunny.

Weird and wonderful

1. Coming back from a walk into town with Taz and meeting a woman going the other way taking her sheep for a walk. Sad thing was she thought Taz was freaky cos of his lumps.

2. Satnav took us to a deserted sawmill up an unmade road instead of a campsite and on the way we had to drive round a young girl of about 9 standing in the middle of the road wearing a grey fleece romper suit with absolutely no expression on her face. Very Deliverance.

Stone me

Driving round a fjord saw a beach full of stone cairns. Obviously everyone who stopped had made one. Is there a White one – but of course.

Taz can't get wireless internet connection - back soon

Taz needs to learn that certain bodily functions are not acceptable when sharing small living spaces

Tuesday 6th July - Alingsas

Caught up with Caroline in Goteborg today just long enough to get the gin, Branston and magazines. In the train on the way in we had debated whether we could read a magazine quickly enough on the way back to use it to dip in the pickle (washed down with gin of course) or if we should buy some cheese to dip in it - much more sophisticated. In the end we had to run to catch the train (not easy with bags of booze and gossip) and it took most of the journey for us to recover enough to think about food. Maybe the fish and chips we had for lunch came into it too.

Lovely to see Caroline but she did let the side down by commenting on how much weight David has lost and just telling me I looked well. Need to indoctrinate her into the ways of the sisterhood. But it was really lovely to see her. We're just waiting now to see if she will get any free time tomorrow to meet up for a bit longer.

Bodily functions? Taz is still adapting to the Swedish diet and apart from having to use an average of 7 poo bags a day we are occasionally woken during the night by poisonous smells drifting from his "bedroom".

Bit of a slip up with the photo. The sun was so strong (at 7pm) that I couldnt see to position the laptop camera to include the sauna in the lake behind. It can be so challenging some days.

Taz can't see the point in cous-cous

Varberg Friday 2nd July

Double dose of good news

Thursday - New great nephew - Oliver Jack, congrats to Paula and Neil

Friday - Our neighbours getting married, congrats to Shannon and Alistair

Bad moment for David tonight. He bought 2 new corkscrews cos he didn't like the Ikea one we brought but when he finally decided which one to use he discovered that all the bottles of red wine we've got have screwcaps! Took the obvious course of action and began to work his way through the corkless bottles. I'm being a good wife and helping him with this.

Engine fixed, Swedish/English dictionary bought finally so we know what we're eating and had a good free stop last night in pretty town on Lake Vattern and blew the money we saved on a meal out (and the rest). All is good.

Looking forward very much to seeing Caroline Tues/Weds when she's physio-ing for the GB under 21 handball team at a tournament in Goteborg. Also looking forward to getting the Branston Pickle, 1 Litre bottle of Gin and trashy magazines she's bringing out for us!

Taz marks out his pitch

Nora - Tuesday 28th June

Bit of a blip. We’re having to hang around city of Orebro waiting for a part for the van. Not a problem tho as we’ve happened on a nice little campsite on edge of a pretty wooden town called Nora on Lake Norasjon – which we cycled round today and ..snigger ye not, we didn’t get lost. We learnt a useful fact at tourist info when she told us it was 3 miles round the lake. I double checked cos it looked a lot longer than 3 miles and apparently a Swedish mile is nearly 10km – go figure. Lovely wild flowers - shame we never got round to that photography course

We’re only on our second evening but on our campsite walk tonight David was able to fill me in on the occupants of every caravan/campervan/tent. He has been known to go to the toilet block 3 times in one hour as an excuse to check on whats going on. But he and Taz have developed a good double act to stop anyone settling next to us. The last time someone came to look at the pitch next to ours the 2 of them walked out, David to say hello and Taz to walk up to them and wee on their prospective pitch.

Taz hearts Swedish dog food

Midsummer Day, June 26th Hallstahammar

Is it wrong to covet plastic goods? We are on the way to being a target for earth savers with the amount of plastic we are collecting. It seems to be the in-thing to have a special plastic container for everything caravan/campervan over here. I have tracked down my special folding plastic crate for carrying the washing up to the trough, my plastic basket for the laundry, we have plastic shoes for the showers and I'm trying to find where they all buy their plastic baskets to take to the washrooms ( I currently use a plastic Waitrose bag). It has reached the point that when we were in a camping shop David and I chorused "thats a nice plastic bucket" when we spotted a pile of them.

Its probably all a reaction to natural things, after getting lost yet again (sigh) last night in a nature reserve I'm beginning to shake whenever I see a sign for anything to do with nature.

really good day yesterday - Midsummer eve. Its a really big thing here in Scandinavia so we asked at reception and were signposted to an event 10k away. Off we toddled on our bikes and found it was being held at an open air agricultural museum. Really lovely, all kids and many adults had flower wreathes and there was dancing and singing round a kind of maypole. We joined in, of course, even tho we might have been praying to the antichrist of plastic containers for all we knew. The museum bit was good too and they had 2 special exhibitions on: 199 ways to trap a mouse and miniature Swedish outhouses! Overload of culture. So apart from managing to get lost on our evening walk - I am sooo over getting lost, again it was a lovely day.

Now planning our next move around somewhere with either a sports bar or signal for Turkish Tv so we can watch footie and easy access to Fiat dealer as we have a warning light on engine. David is torn between finding somewhere that Germans are staying in in the event we win or an empty field with good sat TV in case we lose!

Taz thinks nature is over-rated.

Tuesday June 22nd - Karlstad

Feeling lucky to be alive!!!!! On Sunday we couldn't find a free spot so went to what sounded like a lovely campsite in a national park between two lakes. It was a real back to nature place with a vengeance. Took us 3 attempts to find a place to park where we weren't under siege from midges and mossies (glad I had brought my mosquito head net) then we shut the door and whilst all the other proper campers boiled their billycans and recycled their contents in the earth closets before crawling under their 1 sq metre of canvas, we cooked up some lamb (yes baby sheep), turned up the telly and downed our gin and tonics (for the quinine of course)

But boy did we pay for it the next day. We checked out and decided just to do the 5k nature walk before we drove off. Left Taz in the van (thank God) and tottered off with the little leaflet we were given. Same old same old, we were lost after 5 mins but there was an orange line on the map which met up with the nature walk so we just followed the orange markers. Four hours later we gave up and called the campsite for help. Help was effectively turn around and walk back. The orange lines never did meet up!

Just a nice days walk you're thinking. Think again - it was 7 hours in total, no food, no drink, didnt see another soul just lots of forest, swamps and mosquitoes. Absolute hell. We couldnt stop for more than 15 secs because after 5 the mossies homed in. In fact it was a full body work out as we were waving our arms around fighting them off all the time except when we needed to use our hands to haul ourselves across swamps or clamber up or down rock faces. The leaflet was stuck together with blood in 30 mins from swatting the blood suckers. Forgot to say - the centre had signs up warning that bears, cougars and wolves had been spotted recently.

I'm taking 90% of the blame as I didn't think it was a problem that the orange lines dropped off the little leaflet map and I just assumed they joined up at some point in a neat loop - wrong. but it didn't help that when I was crawling along a log over a swamp heaving with mossies David told me that we were now following the black markers and when I looked up I realised he meant the black lines round the trees where the orange had been burnt off. In other words the rangers had diverted the walk because it was impassable in their opinion.

But we survived and we've spent most of today sitting around our new campsite doing nothing much more than tending our bites and looking for dressings big enough to cover the ginormous blister on my heel.

Phew, too much movement must stop now.

Taz tests the water

Saturday 19th June Lake Vanern

Shouldn’t have disrespected the Turkish commentary for the footie. It was the only part of the game we enjoyed. Once we realised that Carragoosh was Jamie Carragher we knew that a cornoosh was a corner, Mamoosh was the Algerian player Mamour etc. And just as we were about to turn off in disgust Sean Wright Flips came on so we stuck with it.

Parked up in a lovely spot next to a lake just above Lake Vanern. There is a 5km walk starting just in front of the van so we set off at 8.45pm thinking we’d just go a little way and over an hour later arrived back with Taz still on his feet. Unlike the walks we go on in the UK it was all beautifully marked out with bits of info in Swedish and English along the route. Past a sauna at edge of lake and an abandoned outdoor theatre in the middle of a fairytale woodland glade. Taz had a paddle at the spot named as the Pensioners’ bathing place. Very appropriate.

Taz dips his toes in Lake Vanern - briefly

Thursday 17th June

Lake Vanern

From the ridiculous to the sublime. Spotted the road sign next to a lake in the middle of nowhere. But we didnt worry about it for too long as we don't have the car with us and our bikes are washed in the rain.

The sublime - found our own little beach to park up next to for a night. David got a bit carried away after dinner on the sand and stumbled off muttering about fire, long grass, and sunset. Came back 30 mins later with empty box of matches. Just as well - the sun takes an awful long time to go down in this part of the world!

Settling down for footie now. Too wet and windy for town tonight and there is little hope of much atmosphere in the TV room on camp (part of the kitchen) as the Germans will be licking their wounds and the Norwegians and Swedish are disinterested. Never mind we've started on the wine and pringles, beer and crisps to come! Hey ho - which reminds me: if its "hie" in Denmark, "Hei Hei" in Sweden, will it be "ha ha ha" in Norway - sorry

Just watching BBC 24 hur news to get the lineup and as much info as possible as we can only find the match on Turkish TV on our telly and we understand even less Turkish than Swedish. But we can make our own commentary cant we?