Taz takes on the playground bully

Thursday 30^th September – St Alban sur Limagnole

On our way back home after being thoroughly spoilt by the Baileys. We were in a mild panic when we checked Sat Nav and discovered we had 1200km to do in 8 days and David doesn’t like to drive for more than an hour a day. But he’s pushed himself and done a couple of hours Tues and Weds so he had today off.

Tuesday we passed the journey playing a game the Baileys taught us on the road into Spain: spot the prostitute. What we couldn’t work out was whether we hadn’t noticed them on the Narbonne road when we drove down or if they’d just moved in for pay day. We gave ourselves double points for spotting one getting out of a car and pulling up her knickers!

Wednesday we splashed out on the toll road across the Millau Viaduct designed by Norman Foster and had a break to try out the photography techniques picked up from David Bailey (yes, really, that’s his name and he is a published photographer), and from the Channel 5 photography show. To be honest I think the best photo was the one of us in front of the viaduct taken by a passing French geezer.

Last night Taz decided on a midnight feast which was followed by an urgent call of nature (well him barking). When David got up to let him out Taz decided to have a go at the scary creature in the playground we are parked next to. I feel so safe to have him with us :-((

Taz walks on water

Monday 27th September - Intichancha, Oms

Arrived at the Baileys with 2 bags of washing and healthy livers. Will leave tomorrow with clean washing and very dirty livers. :-))

We've eaten, drunk, crossed borders without passports, swum, watched Taz walk back and forwards across the pool cover, rescued bats, dried out moths (need to dry out ourselves next week), in Lindsey's case bought a tube of crack cure, picked fresh figs, enjoyed a proper bed and bathroom, finished a jigsaw, read lots of magazines, kept up with x-factor, listened to a choral exhibitionist (David B) and generally lived well!! David tells me thats living a normal life - well bring it on.

Taz tries out some poses for upsidedowndog.com

Tuesday 21st September - Quillan

Tricky fellow, Johnny Foreigner. We decided on a green "facile" cycle route of 21kms today. Admittedly it said something about the hills at the start taking us by surprise if we attacked them "a froid" but it didnt mention that those hills would almost finish us off before we had completed 3kms. AND THEN, when we got back I looked at the routes for mountain bikes and the same part of the route was coloured red ie bloody hard!!!!!

It wouldnt have been quite so bad except that on the way back to the campsite I spotted a hairdressers and being in desperate need of a cut and something to hide the grey, I went in and they said they could "do" me straight away. Well, after they encased me in a nice nylon robe, I went through 2 packets of tissues trying to surreptiously wipe the sweat off my face before they started. And I was a little worried about finding a colour for my hair that would go with my puce face.

The excitement is rising. In a few days we will be staying with our friends, the Baileys, in a real house! (And according to Simon its a stunning house with amazing views of the Pyrenees - but it only needs level floors and to have more than one room to be special for us) Having eaten and drunk extremely well at their UK home we have decided we need to prepare our wastlines and livers. There has been much discussion about whether we should cut out alcohol or step it up to avoid any shocks. But the bottom line has expanded since hitting France (and especially the Nougat Region) so its strictly 1 gin and tonic a night, no wine, no crisps and no stopping at the Patisserie. But David found a loophole. If the supermarket we shop at stocks Cadbury's chocolate we can carry on with our 1 square of chocolate a night (a 4" square is absolutely the limit). I will decline to declare whether this loophole came before or after the last shopping trip.

Taz gets tired of old ruins

Friday 17^th September – Carcassonne

Phew, made it to the safe haven of a campsite after a night with no electricity or water, its amazing how quickly you can move on in the mornings when there’s no way of having a wash or shower.

On our way to Carcassonne we stopped first at Pezenas, an old town with a medieval centre well worth a visit, then carried on to Lagrass, a village that styles itself one of the most beautiful villages in France (with the most self-satisfied and self-deluded villagers). It is very old and everything was very shut and the van seemed to catch the general malaise and the electrical bits ran themselves down to the point that we couldn’t even run the taps. But we’ve splashed out on a campsite right on the edge of Carcassonne and we’re going to stay here and until we’re bored of having lights, telly (yes that’s back on), running water and hot showers. They might have lived in lovely villages but those medievallers sure missed out on the good things in live: NCIS, plastic goods, internet........

PS anyone - why dont the French stock cheddar cheese when they sell plastic cheeses like Edam?

Taz and Julie add river swimming to sea, and lake swimming

Monday 13^th September – Val de L’Herault

Very relaxing 3 days next to the river Herault. Caught up on dozing, swimming and sunbathing (arf arf). Unfortunately we’ve lost TV so needed some compensation for missing Strictly’s launch.

Went for a walk today and ended up on the wrong side of the river so we bravely decided to ford it. Glad no one was watching but wish we had a video of our epic taming of the river Herault. It was deep enough that we both had to tuck our shorts into our knickers and the current was fast enough for us to be worried about being knocked over. But David had a plan: “Lets hold hands”. So we took it in turns to anchor each other as we tottered across the stony and slimy riverbed. Good job David was holding my hand as I was in danger of being swept away by hysterical laughter. I will treasure the lets hold hands plan as a means of keeping my spirits up when I’m forced to read the SCD newsletter rather than watch the show. And before anyone suggests it – we cant get BBC iPlayer over here.

As we’re nearing the end of our trip I attempted a Davina style “so how has your time in the campervan changed you” interview of David. This is what he came up with”

· There’s life in the old dog yet (not sure which of the 3 of us he was referring to)

· I want to do more trips

· The French aren’t so bad (this is because a mechanic fixed the first Sat TV problem for free)

· Empty the toilet cassette slowly to avoid splashback

I’m compiling my own list which will have this nugget of good advice near the top:

Don’t reverse down a steep drive onto a narrow tarmac road in a long campervan unless you are prepared to have the Police called out (I asked for the Fire Brigade but the Dutch campsite owner over ruled me)

Taz is inspired by the French to apply for his driver's license

Friday 10th September - Le Vigan

Sitting in the evening gloom with a lovely view of the toilet block as we wait for our van to dry out. Its Friday but not the 13th so dont know why it all went wrong. We were at a lovely campsite with fantastic views - we climbed to the top of the peak in the photo yesterday. But when we arrived at the campsite we had to have a run up because the approach road to the site was so steep. Unfortunately when we slid back down today (backwards cos we couldnt turn round in the mud) the back of the van ground into the asphalt and we got stuck half way across the road. So we emptied all the fresh water we had just taken on and took everything out of the boot to see if that would lift the back out of the road (literally). As we emptied the boot water started to pour in!! We had switched on the taps and the sink was overflowing inside the van. But some kind cyclists stopped and helped to push the van back up the road so we could have another go and we managed to escape (having gouged a hole out of the road)

We stopped off to get the tyres changed - bit of a smell of burning rubber hanging around - and headed off south again.

We found a site with wifi and opened all the doors and windows to try and dry out. Unfortunately the only sunny spot is right opposite the toilet block. Rather a different view from last nights. Handy tho. But then I managed to blow the electrics - why did i have to use the vacuum cleaner, I'm on holiday for goodness sake. David tried everything he could think of including pouring the g and ts so we could sit outside and leave the electricity fairies to it. We did our bit and drank the g and ts but the leccy still isnt working. Never mind, we have the boxed set of NCIS season 2 to watch and there's a hypermarket round the corner.

Hard to believe maybe but it never crossed my mind when David and I got married that 25 years later I would hear him exclaim in high excitement “that’s an interesting plastic bowl!” (Well it was pretty interesting actually, it was a washing up bowl with a plughole) Life is such a roller coaster isn’t it?

Taz tries to crash a game of beach badminton

Friday 3rd September Charavines, Lac de Paladru

Good news – free wifi

Bad news – it only works now and again and only at reception – which is a trek up a hill. Lost track of how much gin and tonic and tea I’ve slopped out of my glass/mug on my way up to sit at reception and check if its working!

But everything else is fabiosa. Back in low season so the site is nearly empty and we have a pitch at end of the row above the beach of Lac de Paladru. There are great walks and bike rides and Taz can potter around without annoying anyone. Well, almost. I thought he was with David this afternoon and was having a gentle post walk doze when I heard a Taz yap. When I glanced down at the beach I spotted him in the middle of the volleyball court waiting for the guy who was playing badminton with his wife to serve the shuttlecock to him. I think the yap was "on the 'ead son" - he was a great footballer in his prime and his eyesight isnt what it was,

We had a lovely long weekend with Caroline near Annecy before coming here. Didn’t realize what an interesting town Annecy is, great for a weekend visit. There was loads to do around Lake Annecy and Caroline and David are still getting over their water skiing aches and pains. It was so nice having her with us - even tho the chocolate supplies were ravaged.

And talking of skiing we had 2 great nights at a ski base in France on the way to Annecy. (smooth link eh?). We stayed in the grounds of a gite/restaurant up in the mountains with only the regional biathlon team for company. Unfortunately it was a bit sultry, sorry I mean steamy, er,, hot, so they had to do their training runs and exercises only wearing their little lycra shorts. As David will no doubt remind me, there were a couple of girls as well who kept their tops on.

Oh well onwards and upwards, lakes to swim in, mountains to climb, sun to lie in and before I get lynched - poo to pick up